SORRY- sometimes it means a lot

Today, at 09:12 a.m., he moved his index fingers of his right hand for the first time in 4 years of coma state. And now all his family members, her fiancé and her family came to see him. I thought that everyone would have forgotten him except her mother. But it seems that they had not. In a matter of 18 hours all his family members, his to-be-in-laws have flown here at military hospital, Training Command, Bangalore. I can understand his family’s love towards him, but I can’t figure out why the other family came here!!! To get their son-in-law back, who has been in the state of coma for last 4 years?  Or to tell him that they had married their beloved girl with some other guy as there was no signs of betterment of his tragic state. Or just to show the outer condolences. Well, that's what this is all about, i got these answers, later on.
The guy on the hospital’s bed, who I have been caring for last 2 and a  half years ,which included giving his daily doses, changing his clothes, clearing his bowels, and god knows what... I have been more than his wife for the last 2 and half years, and I feel somewhat attached to him now. But today, I feel like, it was all part of my duty, and these are his own people. When I have came here, I was straightaway given the job of taking care of Flt Lt. R. Tomar(Flight Lieutenant Rajendra Tomar), who has been in coma since 1 year and 2 months back. Firstly, I refused, but when I read his story, I thought of giving a part my life for someone who would have never asked anything in lieu of the lives he saved.

 He was a helicopter pilot in Indian Air Force, ex- AFA, and gold medalist of his helicopter training batch at the helicopter training school, Bangalore. That’s why after a short period of experience, he was selected for the Indian Air force’s helicopter aerobatics display team SARANG. He with his teammates, showed the valor of India inside and outside the limits of our motherland. But in an accident in July 2007, his senior and the commander of his Indian made helicopter, Wing Commander Danny Francis died and he had suffered serious head injuries. Since then he was in coma state, just the same as I could see him now. As I was new recruit in the hospital, and everything that I have heard about the army guys have gone past my ears and this guy from the air force was showing me different version of human natures, so I tried to look up on internet.
My seniors told me that it’s a military thing; you won’t b able to find much in media or internet, as they don’t reveal details to public media due to security purposes. Eager to know about the Flt. Lt., I went down to nearby cyber café and started googling for the incident. But couldn't find him. This failure, instead of getting my strong will down, pushed the eagerness to find out more about the guy. So next day in the hospital, I read his full report. Again in the evening, at the cyber café, I searched more specifically, i.e. they were practicing for the AERO INDIA show, when they met with the accident. So I started searching for it. Nothing found. This time, I was feeling low. But now I went to search what he used to do in his helicopter. Aerobatics, I have seen enough circuses in my childhood, and enough bike stunts by the classmates in my teenage, but have never seen a helicopter doing a stunt. So I started searching for the group, SARANG.

level cross,by  SARANG,taken from google.com

This time I found something. Not just something, I found too much. YouTube videos, Newspaper articles and a Wikipedia article. I intended for the YouTube video first. I saw some videos and they were breathtaking. Surly, they were the masters of what they used to do. The gravity defying stunts, the level crosses made me cry at a sharp girly voice, and everyone was watching me astonishingly, as if I have been thrown out of the same choppers. Well,after engulfing much embarrassment,  now I shifted to the quieter part,i.e. Wikipedia. I read a long article about the group, its formation and other details, which were actually not  in much detail (as warned by my colleges). But then, eureka, I found the guy’s name that I have been taking care of. Few lines about the accident and the pilots. That’s it, I have seen him doing his job perfectly in the videos, and now I got the info about his accident. Then ,I decided to take care of this guy, due to two reasons, first I have developed the highest possible respected feeling for him and second, the work was not hectic, a simple daily monotonous job, which would have given me time for my other daily life chores.

Just when all these things were running in my head, his mother came and asked me, if he said something about her or anyone. I kept quiet. She was a very nice person. Maybe, because all the fruits and flowers, she used to bring, were eaten and taken by me. But she also used to bring a small bag, full of love, for me and used to request me to take care of her son. Maybe she was bribing me, but then it was about her son. She asked me once again, I said " no, nothing, he just moved his fingers a bit. Then when I called the doctors, they rechecked everything and declared that he was out of coma and was in an unconscious state, and may wake up any moment. And all these things, I have told you on the phone." I could see the tears of joy, of the feeling that now she would b able to get his son back, but his eyebrows showed a tension and a question “why is he not waking up even after 18 hours??”   .  She just thanked me for what I did. And went back to sit beside his son.
Again my head started filling with thoughts, especially a question, why the heck the other family has came!!!
But then something happened by which I got all my doubts cleared. Her girlfriend or her fiancé or god knows what, came to me and hugged me. I was thinking why me?? Who am I?? At least for her, I was a no-one.
She started weeping, and said  “thank you, thank you so much. You have taken care of my jaan for these years. I never came to meet him because it would have made me weak”. For a few seconds, I was numb, expressionless, and blank. I had never imagined that that love can be so binding, so real, more dramatic than shown in bollywood movies. A girl deeply in love with a guy, with whom she had not been in conversation with, since 4 years. Well, she thanked me again and I said
‘no ma'am, mention not. It was my job. I just have done my job. That’s it.’

‘Well, then thank you for doing your job, Honestly’, she said,

‘you’re  welcome ma’am.’ I smiled

Now with all my romantic feelings and the eagerness of hearing a bollywood style love story, I asked her
‘may I ask you a question?’

‘ya, sure sure,’

‘Once, you were his fiancé, no?’

‘Are, not were. I AM his fiancé. Please rectify’

Astonished by his word, I again asked

‘Your love seems to be too strong, since how much time have you guys been in relationship??’

‘Since no time, my parents went to his, for the marriage proposal. We all agreed. But then, this mishap happened’ she said, wiping her tears.

‘ma’am, I am a girl too, please tell me why and how do you love your fiancé so much’ I asked, excitedly.

At that moment, even I was not able to figure out why I was so excited, maybe due to the real hero I’ve been seeing, or due to his heroine. I still don’t know why. But then she answered

‘Well, its love, and you can’t control it. And since I don’t know when I am in love with him. But sure, it’s only after I met him at an air show in AFA (Air Force Academy, Hyderabad)’

‘Can you please do me a favour? Can you please …?’

‘Hmm’ she interrupted me,

‘Sure, well you are one of the few persons who deserve to hear my story’

‘Oh thank you ma’am, please start with the beginning’ and I brought a chair for him, from the corner to sit beside me.
‘ well, as I remember, we were classmates in the collage. Same electronics branch, at NIT suratkal. In collage days he was a brat, a rich spoiled brat. But as all other rich & spoiled guys, he had good looks too. So, almost half of our class’ girls had a huge crush on him. And half of them hated him because of his unaware-of-the-world behavior. Well, I was just a classmate for him, and I was one of the few girls who had a crush on him and hated him, equally. Our lives were going fine, I was studying for a job and he was studying just to get his desired his pocket money!! The strangest thing about this guy was that, even after having good looks ,and getting proposals  by 3-4 girls; as far as I know; he didn’t had a girlfriend. And I never asked him why, as I somewhat hated him due to his behavior. But then, one day, a strange thing happened. I was at a roadside stall, having chat and other local stuff. Some local guys were around, and they were teasing one of my friend and were showing us vulgar signs. We were ignoring, as taught by our parents, But then he came on his bike, which was a big deal those days, saw the guys and directly went to them. He warned them about their actions and told not to do that again. Seeing his bike, they must have thought that he’s a son of a rich powerful politician and hence they apologised. The conversation got over. He directly came to me, as I was the only one he knew, and started scolding about why don’t we girls slap these kind of boys. This ignorant behavior inspires them to misbehave with other girls too. Due to our ignorance, other girls suffer, and bla ,bla ,bla…. But now I was in love with him. The way he took stand for us, without having any attachment with any of us, and also the crush side of my heart also started beating as I have never seen him so close. That was the day, when I started respected him, and love too. Now from the very next day , I started staring him in the class, don’t know why, but yes I used to stare him. But only my best friend , Radhika noticed this. Nobody in the whole class saw that, maybe due to my extra intelligence, or maybe as nobody expected that from a girl like me. But Radhika was the one. She suggested me to approach him and tell him about my feelings, but I felt shy. And I kept this shyness alive till the collage ended. On the last day, I was crying, mostly due to the fact that I would not be able to see him.  But then, almost all of us has landlines that at that time , so i wasn't worried much about the contact. And we fell apart. In the meantime he and my cousin brother got joining letter from the AFA(Air Force Academy). My brother went there and I wasn’t aware about his selection. On the passing out day, when I and my family went to see the passing out parade, I saw him, in the front row. He had been in my minds the whole year, but I slowly had moved him out of my mind, as I was sure I would never find him again. But, I found him, and guess what, he was the classmate of my cousin.’

‘Then , you must have gone to have a talk’ I interrupted, again , excitedly

‘nooo, I was with my parents yaar.’

‘Okayyy, then what??’

‘ Then my mother saw him and asked me, isn’t he the guy , that rich spoiled brat you used to tell me about.(man mein laddu foota) I couldn’t imagine my luck, my mom had seen him only once, that too in the collage trip photos, when I told him about his bravery. So by that, it meant that I could have a conversation with him, but then I had an ego. I never talked with him in collage except some formal New Year and Diwali wishes. So I refused to have a talk. But when I was thinking all this, my mom went to him and started a conversation. Few seconds later, she pointed at me and said something and he recognized me.(man mein doosra laddu foota) I bowed a formal “hii” to him. He came to me and started talking to me as if I have been his best friend for years. For  the next  10 minutes we  discussed all our past, our classmates, our trip, and yes, I thanked him for  that incident. And he asked me if I am still the same. Although I knew I was lying, but I replied that I have changed since that day. And then his parents came to meet us. We all talked, laughed and then something very strange happened. Her mom broke the monotonous laughter and said  “we like the girl, it’s a yes from our side." And she asked him," koi problem hai isse??” (what, what did I just hear!!! She was talking about her son’s marriage, that too with a middle class family girl, i.e. me.(ab to man mein itne ladoo foote ki diabetes hote hote bacha )

And the most awesome part, he agreed instantly. And then my mom said,” so ,now can we think that the relation is fixed??” I was in tears, my mom knew about my feeling and never told me. She was the first to go with the marriage proposal. Now everything was fine. Nothing could have gone wrong. But then, he ( pointing at the body on the hospital’s bed) requested " aunty, can’t we do all this after some time, I haven’t even started my job yet, also it would take 6 months more at helicopter training. Then I would be posted at some non-family areas like Ladhakh and Leh, and only after that, my life would be stable, i.e. suitable for marriage” . I was a bit unhappy, but satisfied. We all exchanged our numbers and addresses and rushed towards our hotels as the sun was already under the horizon. That day was the happiest day of my life. I was singing and dancing and roaming like a bird. My mother said, “you seem too much excited with the marriage thing.” I blushed, and told the truth" yes ,I AM excited". Since then ,we had been in contact through letters and phones. We met once his helicopter training was over and he was going towards ladhakh,his 1^st posting. We were supposed to come for his air show at Aero India 2007, where the marriage talks would have gone further, but just before all this could happen, he met with an accident during the practice sessions. And after that, what happened to him, you already know’

I was in tears, moved by this overwhelming story of hers. The luck she had, the guy she got , and the life she got, was much better than a bollywood movie story. It has been a few hours when I have seen the girl, but I feel as if I know her since childhood. while thinking all this, I heard a voice from behind, “his fingers are moving, he’s shaking” everyone rushed towards him. Again, he had shown the sign of consciousness, by slowly moving his fingers, but his hands were shaking, that was not a good sign. I took everybody outside the room and  called the doctor. Doctor came with other nurses, and they relived me. My shift was over, but I was waiting just to see the guy to speak, of whom I have been taking care of since 2 and a half years. The girl started weeping again, knowing that the shaking of hands isn’t a good sign. But then I went to consolidate her. She started weeping with her head on my shoulders. I was aware of the situation she was undergoing. I said “don’t cry ma’am, just don’t cry he’ll b fine, I assure u”.

“ my name’s Nikita,not ma’am, you can call me Niki” said she.

This was the first time I got to know her name. I was so much indulged in the story that I didn’t bothered to ask her name. Leave bothering, I didn’t even remember to ask her name. Then she went for washroom to wash her face. Then, her mother came to me and said ”I had only one daughter and we wanted her to be nearby us, but later I decided that to fulfill my love towards her I can’t let her love die. So, I fixed  her marriage with rajendra.i knew that she would be roaming all across India, every 3-4 years, due to transfers, but then she will be happy” I didn’t asked her all this, but maybe she also wanted a companion to tell her part of the story. She must have seen her daughter telling me the whole life story and this she continued with her part!!!
Niki’s mother continued “ but my daughter  is a brave one, she had waited for 4 years to see this day. Do you know what she did. She earned a salary of 1.2 lakhs per month but refused to go abroad, just because she didn’t want to miss this day. She bought us a home in Bangalore and made rajendra’s parents agree to live with us in the same house. Now, she is working in delhi and we 2 families are living under the same roof, with a hope, that someday both of us will be living with our Childs, happily married.  As rajendra also is the only child of his parents, after his accident they would have been lonely. But my girl is very mature. She made us live under the same roof. She knows what we think, what we feel.  Although she isn’t married to rajendra, but she has taken a good care of her responsibilities as a wife.”
this time I was in tears. What a girl. Even I couldn’t have done this much to my in-laws. Or better to be said , to-be-in-laws. She was the perfect girl for him. Nobody could be more perfect than her. She had also taken a great care of her & rajendra’s parents. They guy, who rottening on bed was till now, had became the most concerned man in a matter of hours. well, he deserves that. I thought of calling the media also. But then, left the thought.
In the meantime, doctors came outside and said that there’s good news  that he is now in conscious state, and can hear and see now, but they haven’t heard him speak. At last they heard ,for what their ears has been thirsty to hear, for last 18 hours. they all went inside gave him best wishes and again a wave of happiness was felt in the room. It was the first time that I felt the importance of my life. Thank god that I had not been in such a state. I have seen people dying on bed without anyone to care for, I’ve see people with such diseases that anyone would feel pity even after thinking about it. But this is the first time that I have felt thankful to god, for what they had given me & my body!!!
he stared for a few seconds towards everybody, and then stopped on niki’s face, he kept staring her, as if he wanted to say something, as if he wanted to come out of the bed and hug them all.
His eyes twinkled eyes and a humble smile on his face told them all, big thanks. And again he stopped at niki. She was in tears, she knew what he wanted to say, she had been eagerly waiting for years to hear that, the 3 magical words, but alas, she couldn’t. but she was happy with the fact that he is in conscious state now, and she could read his face and his mind now. Just then , rajendra moved his head in a slight up & down manner with a blink in his eyes, as if he wanted to call someone. Quickly reacting to his call, I niki & rajendra’s mother rushed towards him, as we knew he wanted something to say. Among all three of us, he turned towards niki and kept staring him for a few seconds, the small smile of his face went off and there was a numb expression, with almost wet eyes, we couldn’t understand the reason of this sudden change. But then he closed his eyes,  and took all his power to say-

“SORRY” and tears rushed from his eyes. Niki was already crying. But nobody could understand the reason for sorry. Except niki, she replied  “ no need to say sorry, I am happier now. I know you are thinking that 4 years of my life has been spoiled due to your coma, but you know you are wrong,” tears were continuously  rushing from her eyes, towards her cheeks, and falling down. “ you are not always right, I am very happy, content with my job, do you know both of our families live under the same roof, supporting each other. That’s all because of me.  But I can’t live without you anymore, I want to be with you, now even if you are thinking that you can die ,leaving all you your responsibilities on me, then you are wrong. I will come with you now, wherever you  may  go. If you die, I will die, if u live, I will too. But don’t even think of leaving all these responsibilities on me, now it’s your turn to take the burden and I will take rest in the home, just like you had taken rest, for the last 4 years.” Everyone smiled after this, including rajendra. Tears became more profuse to come out, this time with a smile on his face. I came out of the cabin, thinking about the the existence of god. Now I firmly believe that gods do exists.